Dating In Rome…Problemi!

Italian Man, Sexy YASSSSSS!

Italian men are HAWT! Drop to your knees and thank whatever deity you worship for you having eyes to witness the glory that is the man standing before you, hawt! Many of these men are incredibly fit and seem to come with a 6 pack, standard model.   Saunter into almost any bar or restaurant and it is not hard to find a gorgeous, makes your panties wet just taking your order, buffed, and tan man.  Seeing a gorgeous man in Italy wearing an exquisite tailored suit is easier than catching an std from a professional athlete.  Not hard at ALL!  But actually dating and developing a relationship with one of these fine physical specimen is actually pretty f#@king hard.

Ciao! Sex?

Dating Italian men can be very different from dating anywhere else and I think often, myself included, we romanticize the men.  There are absolutely incredible guys in Italy, but there are some things that can make it a bit of a challenge in finding and dating them.  Granted my thoughts are framed through the mind of an American, and I admit, that Italian men probably try things with us that they would never try with Italian women.  I have had far too many online conversations that start with, Ciao! Sex?  I have also had men ask me out and when I declined, offered to pay me for sex.  They see American movies where women have instant sex, and see all American women through that lens.  Plus, being a Black woman, there is this assumption that we are hypersexual and always horny all the time for every, damn, man we see.  Sadly, there are quite a few African prostitutes in Italy and it is easy for Italians to make that erroneous leap.   I always counter with a google search of “ancient roman orgies” to prove that when it comes to being horny, Italians have theirs embedded and easily proven with centuries old art. There is really no contest.

Passion Poison

That passion that Italian men are known for?  A blessing and a curse.  It is intoxicating when some guy you met just five minutes ago stares into your eyes deeply and says, “Tresaro, mio amore”!  Then you realize it has indeed only been five minutes and the only part of his anatomy loving you is his penis. Even when  a man is genuinely interested in having a relationship, he tends to try for a kiss almost instantly.  And for whatever reason, some Italian men seem to think kissing involves flexing their lip muscles into two fixed and rigid lines.  It can be painful. Luckily, when you ask for a softer kiss, they will comply, but out of the gate, a first kiss is often as fun as kissing a watermelon gourd.  The passion is heady but often aggressive and requires a bit of a dance to not send the wrong signals.   “Troppo presto”, as my friend taught me, which means, too soon, is something almost any first date will end with, because Italian men are often gong to try very hard for sex. Very hard.

The Language Barrier

Most Italians don’t speak English.  Yes, there are many that do, but Italy is a far cry from the Netherlands or Sweden, where everyone has a full understanding of the English language.  Of course, this is Italy, we should expect to learn and speak Italian.  However, until that happens, basic communication with a man is very challenging. When you literally do not speak the same language, your dating options are limited to men that speak English and that is a small % of Italians. I actually had a coffee date with a really sexy guy that struggled through broken English to say, “My English is not good enough to date you”.  He was right.

The Economy is S#&T!!!

The Italian economy sucks.  There is an Italian joke that the United Kingdom is the 13th state of Italy because so many Italians have moved there for work.  The average salary in Italy is €1000 per month.  Even men that are gainfully employed make very little compared to their American counterparts.  I had another coffee date with an anesthesiologist that works at one of the best hospitals in Rome.  While his American counterparts could easily expect to rake in a cool $300,000 per year, this guy was making €50,000, (about $53,000).  Plus they pay a significantly higher percentage in income tax.

WTF does the economy have to do with dating?  A lot!  It means many guys are broke.  It means far too many that are way past their teens live at home or have multiple roommates.  It means that many men  can not really afford to wine you and dine you.  It means that the struggle love can be really real.

Usually men you meet that own property or are even moderately well to do have inherited it.  The guy that doesn’t still live with his mother, probably lives in a condo she owns.  If a man is still dependent on his family financially, he is less likely to stand up to them.  He works where they tell him to work, he lives where they tell him to live, and he dates who they tell him to date.

Mama is Queen

Speaking of families having power over their lives, a 40 year old man may still be as obedient to his parents as a 10 year old ragazzo.  These familial ties mean that Sunday is usually for Mama and you will often see a man eating lunch with his mother at a cafe on a Sunday afternoon which means you will never, ever see him on a Sunday afternoon. His mother is an impossibly high standard that you will never, even wearing stilts, ever meet.  You will never cook as well, or dress as well, or love him as much.  She is a the living saint to which no woman will ever compare.  We joke that when we meet a man who’s mother is dead, it is a bit of a relief.  It is only a joke, kind of…

Divorce is Hard

Divorces are a lot harder to get here.  Being Catholic AF, and having a court system that moves at the speed of an amoeba racing a protozoa, getting divorced moves at a glacial pace. An Italian friend told me that it took 10 years for his cousin’s divorce to be finalized.  Also, in a nod to the song, “It’s Cheaper to Keep Her”, Italian men can often pay obscene amounts of alimony and child support, so much so that there is a decent contingency of men made homeless by divorce.  So the difficulty of getting a divorce coupled with the family and church frowning upon it, means a lot of couples that would have been divorced and sharing reluctant custody of a moody teenager in the States, are forced to stay in some bizzarro estranged marriage.  This translates into meeting many men over a certain age that are in marriage purgatory.  It also means, you better ask a man up front. The men usually won’t lie because it is so common, there is little shame.

So with all of these things, does that mean dating in Italy is pointless? No!!!  I have met and continue to meet some amazing men!  And did I not mention HAWT!?!?!?  But these men are far from perfect.  Just like every other person on the planet with a penis, you will have to deal with some BS. I am just pointing out the specific Italian gelato flavor.

Happy Traveling & Dating!

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